Traumatic Premature Birth

I was 33 weeks on the dot when I was induced for gestational hypertension. I had been transferred to a hospital with level 3 NICU so I was separated from my OBGYN I had throughout my entire pregnancy because she didn’t have clearance at that hospital, but we didn’t want me to be separated from my baby in the event he needed to go to a higher level NICU. So I was “given” to a doctor whom I had never met and who was to oversee my bedrest for as close to term as she could get me. I was there for 3 days before she decided I needed to be induced when my blood pressure skyrocketed to 200/180. I was put on pitocin and given a pill inserted into my cervix to help prepare to have a preterm baby. Before I was even 2 centimeters dilated, the OBGYN broke my water manually, so she didn’t have to come back to break it so she could go home. I asked for an epidural and because it was a teaching hospital, I consented to the anesthesiologist having a student watch. The epidural was misplaced. I complained about pain for the next 3 hours being told it was “just pressure” and when they finally came back to check it for me (after my husband, then boyfriend, basically yelled at them) they simply wiggled it around and said it was good. Except then I could feel everything. After another 3 hours of complaining of pain, NOT pressure, they completely removed and readministered the epidural. I told the nurse I needed to push when she told me I wasn’t far enough dilated. I said this over and over again until she finally checked me after both my mother and mother in law told them to get a different nurse because mine wasn’t listening. I was finally wheeled back to the OR since it was a preterm birth, where I would fall asleep on the table pushing because of all of the loose medication in my system from the failed epidural. When I finally got my son crowning, I was told to STOP PUSHING because they needed to get the NICU team down. He was crowning for a solid two minutes before I was allowed to push him out. He was given to me and promptly taken away to the NICU. I was allowed to hold my son for less than 30 seconds before he was taken to be evaluated, and because I was on magnesium, I wasn’t allowed to leave my bed for 26 hours. I held my son for the first real time when he was a full day old. I was discouraged from strictly breastfeeding because they needed to know how many ounces he was getting. Our time in this hospital severely impacted my sons and my bonding. I was also only 19 years old. I still suffer from PTSD from his birth. #mybirthtoo

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