One and Done because of birth trauma

I wanted to badly to have a baby. I was overweight to begin with, however when I started swelling at 17 weeks I was monitored regularly. I was berated by the midwife over gaining 4 lbs in a week. She told me I didn’t need to eat at potlucks around Christmas and it definitely wasn’t water weight. I cried in the office. After that I only saw the OBs, one of which (the owner of the practice) threatened to fire me as a patient when I didn’t consent to be weighed. The weigh ins stressed me out so badly, my anxiety was so bad my BP was regularly in the 140s/90s, and none of that was addressed with any offer of therapy recommendations or medication.

At 37 weeks, my baby was measured at 7 lbs, 1 oz. They would not schedule an induction even though they were concerned about his size, even though I begged them to because I could barely walk anymore due to Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. It was another 2.5 weeks before I was scheduled, at which point he was almost 10 lbs. I retained so much fluid by that point that any movement would lose his heart beat, and they just kept giving me more. I wasn’t allowed to move (aside from rolling from side to side for my epidural and going to the bathroom) for 24 hours.

A super long birth story cut short, otherwise I could write a book:
– My epidural wore off in windows in lessening increments of time. I required 4 boluses before I begged for a Cesarean as I was stalled at 3.5 cm.
– The anesthesiologist complained loudly about being woken up, while you could hear me screaming down the hallway.
– The OB was at the end of her shift but wanted to do my surgery anyway–the same one who refused to induced for size.
– I was too high in the operating room to know what was going on, other than MY EPIDURAL WEARING OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF SURGERY. I was still awake.
– Even with a c-section, even being wide open and easy to see, she still left retained pieces of placenta which were only found at 5.5 weeks postpartum after a week of hemorrhaging, multiple visits to the office, 2 ER visits, and a D&C. Much of this happened while I was alone with a baby too heavy for me to really pick up after surgery.
– I was in the hospital without my baby. They put me in a postpartum room so I could have him, then refused to let him stay with me. I had nurses come in and congratulate me on my “new baby”, and even a chaplain came in to talk to me because I think they thought he had died.
– OH, and it was the same OB that left the piece of placenta that did the D&C. I STILL labored out giant clots a week later. She is no longer with that practice.

Had ANY of this gone differently, had my wishes and concerns been met in any capacity, I would have more children.

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